Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
