Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
