Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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