What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
