drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
