I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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