Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
