my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
