i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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