I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
