Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
