If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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