I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
