Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
