How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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