You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
