Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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