If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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