remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
