Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
