Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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