he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
