My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
