he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
