I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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