Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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