P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
