I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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