This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
