i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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