i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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