either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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