I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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