This is not my ceiling
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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