i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you didnt know i had herpes?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
