he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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