dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
