She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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