i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
