And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
