remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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