I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
