Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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