i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
