it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
