I accidentally burped into my bong.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
