Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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