so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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