If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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