please come you make the beer taste better
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
