Me too!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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