i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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